The Mystery of Joy

I haven't updated in while-partially because I was moving apartments and partially because my fight for joy has not been going so well. I have not really been fighting. I am ashamed to admit that I am in full-time ministry and have not been spending time with the Lord. But, I desperately need Him-I am feeling the affects of the lack of intimacy with Him.

So, today I turned over a new leaf in the hopes of developing discipline again. I woke up late this morning and did not spend time in the Word, but I made it priority when I returned home. I went to a coffee shop, so I wouldn't be distracted by the million and one things to do here.

As I am reading When I Don't Desire God, I am realizing that Piper likes to spend half of the chapter telling us devastating Truth and then, just as we're about the shut the book in despair, he gives us the great comforting side of the Truth.

Tonight I read about the great mystery of God's command to us to be joyful: We must obey the command to rejoice in the Lord, and we cannot because of our willful and culpable corruption. Therefore, obedience, when it happens, is a gift.

If your head hurts trying to wrap your mind around that mystery-don't worry. Mine does too!

Even though we're so corrupt that we cannot obey God's command to delight in Him, it does not make us any less guilty. If anything, it makes us guiltier because our very nature apart from Him is evil. My first, natural reaction to this is to scream, "That's not fair!" How can God require from us what we cannot possibly do?! Just because we cannot do it doesn't mean God is unfair to require it from us (after all, HE defines what is fair-He is the almighty God!) We OUGHT to delight in God above all things-that is the way God intended it from the beginning. Therefore, it is right for God to command us to delight in Him above all things-even though it is impossible.

This Truth raises tons of questions in my mind. What, then, if God does not grant me joy in Him? What will that say to me about His character? How can I be motivated to live for Him if I lack joy?

All these questions arise because I doubt the goodness of God. The GREAT news is that God desires that we desire Him! He is infinitely good. Listen to some of the promises we have in Christ:

" The Lord your God will circumcise your heart...so that you will love the Lord your God with all your heart." (Duet. 30:6)

"I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a hear of flesh." (Ezekiel 36:27)

"I will put My Spirit in you and cause you to walk in My statutes." (Ezekiel 36:27)

God not only commands us to be joyful, but He WANTS us to be. He is not playing a colossal joke on us-"haha peons, I command you to be joyful! Hahahah you can't do it!" That is not the nature of God. He is good and loving and desires us to know Him, so He ENABLES us to have joy. Christ's blood has bought us this joy-we can cling to the promise that God will give us joy because He has promised to!

So, why is so important that we understand both sides of this mystery-that 1) we're responsible to be joyful and 2) we can't possibly do it, so joy must be a gift from God?
I will give you some reasons:

1. So we don't become passive when we learn that joy is a gift (because we still have a responsibility to fight for it)

2. When we believe this mystery, our joy is multiplied because it's compounded with gratitude.

3. This truth sets us to pray as wee never have before when we realize our joy must come from God and not our own actions.

4. It prevents us from fighting for joy with techniques and legalism.

5. God gets all the glory, as He deserves it!
He is good and gracious. All that He ask He provides for His children.

Joyfully His,

Fighting For Joy

"Indifference to the pursuit of joy in God would be indifference to the glory of God, and that is sin."

-John Piper, "When I Don't Desire God"

I have periods when I don't pursue joy in God. I've always described these periods as "being in a rut." What a nice little name to mask the ugly truth that it is sin!

I've sinned all week, rarely pursuing joy in God. And yet, He continues to forgive me and pursue me anyway! The Lord is amazingly loving, merciful, gracious, patient, and faithful! How can I not love Him? How can I NOT pursue joy in Him?

No one desires God with the passion He demands. This truth is both devastating and relieving- devastating because I want to please Him and cannot and relieving because it reminds me that I can't do it alone. John Piper puts is best:

"...my indwelling sin stands in the way of my full satisfaction in God...It OPPOSES by making other things look more desirable than God. And it PERVERTS by making me think I am pursuing joy in God when, in fact, I am in love with His gifts."

Pursuing joy in God is REAL Christianity-not the manageable, duty-defined, rule-following, will-power Christianity we so often try to live.

If I don't and can't desire God, what then is my hope? My only hope is the Sovereign Grace of Christ. He will have to transform my heart and make it do what it naturally will not do-desire Him. He will have to change me from the inside-out.

That is bothy scary and exciting-scary because I can't manage the change or make it happen and exciting because my heart is in the Strong, Sovereign hands of the Almighty God of the Universe, Who can and will do exceedingly, abundantly beyond all I can ask or imagine!! (Eph. 3:20)

Bring me to the place, Oh Lord, where I truly believe that in You I have a better possession and an abiding one (Hebrews 10:34) Help me to cherish You and not merely "choose" You. You are supremely glorious and supremely valuable. Therefore, You are worth the fight for joy!

Song Obsession Part III (and Final): Lesson One (Boys)

The third song I've been obsessed with lately is "Lesson One (Boys)" by Jars of Clay. Written for their children, this song has a double meaning, which I am sure was intended considering how gospel-centric the band tends to be.

For some reason, I've always struggled with the metaphor of God being like a parent-not because my parents are bad. I have GREAT parents! But, my view of God was really warped throughout most of my childhood and I saw Him more as a scary dictator than the Daddy He is.

But, as I listen to this song, I can't help but feel and KNOW this message is from God to me-from my faithful Abba who loves me more than I can ask or imagine.

I am posting a video that includes both the music and lyrics to read.



God bless!

Song Obsession Part II: "Oh My God"

The second some I'm currently obsessed with is Jars of Clay's "Oh My God," off of their Good Monsters album. Though the album came out several years ago, this song has recently captured my heart.

Lead singer Dan Haseltine explained the meaning behind this song on the Family Christian Stores website (Click here for full interview):

"Oh My God is a mediation on the reality of the power of this phrase. All the different ways it is uttered. It is so universal, I dare say that these words fall from the lips of every man whether he is cursing God or praising him, gasping in horror or in joy. It is a meditation on all the reasons that a man might cry out “Oh My God” and the end is left silent so that we might hear whether or not God is going to answer."

There is something deep both in the lyrics and the music of this song that not tugs at my heartstrings, but yanks at them. I cry every time I hear it. I hope it moves you too.

Oh My God

Music and Lyrics by Jars of Clay

From the Album Good Monsters

Oh my God, look around this place,

Your fingers reach around the bone,

you set the break and set the tone

For flights of grace, and future falls

In present pain all fools say,

"Oh my God."

Oh my God, why are we so afraid?

we make it worse when we don't bleed,

there is no cure for our disease.

Turn a phrase and rise again,

or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,

Oh My God.

Oh my God, can I complain?

You take away my firm belief

and graft my soul upon your grief.

Weddings, boats, and alibis,

All drift away, and a mother cries...

Liars and fools, sons and failures, thieves will always say..

Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..

Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..

Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..

War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..

Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..

Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..

Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..

Sometimes I can not forgive and these days mercy cuts so deep,

If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.

While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,

When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,

Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear the keeps me silent,

Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?

We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.

We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,

All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.

Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.

All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,

All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,

All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense

Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.

Song Obsession Part I

Every since I was a little girl, I've loved all kinds of music. I am definitely a lyrics girl. For me, the lyrics to a song can make or break it. This baffles some people, like my fiance Jeff, who barely notices the words as he drums the beat on his steering wheel. Sometimes I will comment, "Oh this song is dirty," or "This song is hilarious," and Jeff will look at me and ask perplexedly, "How do you remember so many lyrics?"

I'm not sure, but I am convinced that if all these lyrics were not taking up the capacity of my brain, I could have made it to Harvard or Columbia. (And please don't respond explaining how that's neurologically impossible-I don't care.)

I love poetry and lyrics, but I do believe something deeper lives inside the melody and chords. Whatever it is, it speaks a message to the soul that communicates beyond words. When the music reaches deep within my gut and tugs at my insides, that's when the song comes alive to me. Like when a child tugs on her father's arm to remind him she's there, a song can tug on my soul and remind me that there's something bigger than me and my little world-and I catch a glimpse of its beauty.

For some reason, the song which affects me so is usually a very melancholy tune. I find humor in this because I am usually a peppy and fun-loving person-and yet I love sad songs. I always have. When I was a child, I heard "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" for the first time and yearned for more of it's dark, sad melody. Unfortunately, it is not a popular Christmas song so I rarely received it. When I was 8 my parents took me to see Cats in London and the whole experience was magical. However, the scene that stayed with me forever was of poor, old Grizabella mourning her sad life in "Memory."

So the three songs that have currently captured my obsession are both melancholy but hopeful. They are both musically moving and lyrically deep. So, hopefully I will be able to share both music and lyrics with you-and I hope they also tug at your insides like they do mine!

The first song describes my life far better than I am able to explain, which is probably why I'm obsessed. You can listen to the whole song on Sandra's myspace page (and you don't need an account): http://www.myspace.com/sandramccracken

On the Outside

Music and lyrics by Sandra McCracken

From The Red Balloon

Out of reach, out of reason

Wheels over water, spin out of control

The sky was falling when I left the scene

My feet they run, my heart it stalls

And I am falling far behind

My own story, my own life

And I watch it pass

As if I am on the outside

Every sorrow laced with springtime

Tell me something beautiful again

Give me sparrow wings and clear eyes

To break the empty silence in my head

Cause I am falling far behind

My own story, my own life

And I watch it pass

As if I am on the outside

Through the tiny windows of this submarine

I can see our history at the curb

I come up for air I need the space to breathe

Open the cage and set free the bird

And I am falling far behind

My own story, my own life

and I watch it pass

As if I am on the outside

On the outside

On the outside

The other two are coming soon!!

God bless!

Where Did the Passion Go?

There was a time in my life when I couldn't wait to get up in the morning because waking up meant spending time with my best friend, the Lord. I went to bed literally exhilarated about the morning, like when I was little and could barely sleep because I was going to Disneyland the next day.

Over the past few years, the excitement has faded. Many days I don't even spend time with the Lord. I make excuses-my favorite one is "Uh, I am so busy. I want to but I don't have time!" That's not true. I am lying to myself. I am in full time ministry-I certainly have time set aside for spending time with God. And I always seem to find time to play around on the Internet. So, time is not the issue.

Lately, I've been pondering this waning discipline in my life. Fellowship with God IS a discipline, but as humans we tend to fall on one of two sides-we do it out of legalism and it becomes another check box on our to do list OR we lack the discipline because we don't desire God. I want neither to be true of my life.

How can I encourage the girls I disciple to spend time with the Lord when I am not? How can I pour out myself for others when I am taking nothing in from the Lord? I can't and I can't. My soul is thirsty for the Lord. I feel the emptiness and the desperate need for Him, but when it comes down to it, I long to do so many other things besides spend time with my Lord. Why does this dichotomy exist in my soul?

Last night, I began reading When I Don't Desire God, by John Piper. I think the first paragraph of his introduction hits the nail right on the head:

"...only God can create joy in God. This is why the old saints not only pursued joy but prayed for it: 'Make us glad for as many days as You have afflicted us' (Psalm 90:15) To be satisfied by the beauty of God does no come naturally to sinful people. By nature we get more pleasure from God's gifts than from Himself."

Why do I so easily forget that I can do nothing apart from God? I cannot create joy-it is a fruit of the Spirit. At the same time, I can't just sit around and expect God to zap me with joy. He wants me to actively pursue and pray for joy, while depending completely on Him for the results. In our culture of work and rewards, that is so difficult to do! But, I am tired of just getting by on a little joy here and there. I am ready to passionately desire God again. So, I am pursing it by reading this book, praying, and attempting to walk with the Lord throughout the day (not merely checking it off my list!). BUT, I cannot depend on my gumption because it will probably fade after tonight. So please pray with me and pursue joy for yourself too-I will keep you updated on my journey!

Longing for Passion,

If You Love Me...

Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner,but blessed is he who is generous to the poor.

Proverbs 14:21

Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him

Proverbs 14:31

Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the LORD,and he will repay him for his deed.

Proverbs 19:17

If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?

James 2:15-16

But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

1 John 3:17-18

http://www.bloodwatermission.com/backtoschool

Blood:Water Mission Back To School Campaign from Blood:Water Mission on Vimeo.